a full day


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Today was exceptional. I got so much accomplished and then harvested two drake ducks with Kitty and Barry, wonderfully supportive customers and friends. Yesterday all I could think of was death. Not just the ones looming for today, although I had been invisioning it quite a bit lately -logistics and such- as we had to cancel several times before today came along and was done.


me and my mom, a month before she passed away

me and my mom, a month before she passed away


Yesterday was just magnificent, delivering my CSA shares and hanging out with the animals. Having time to be around them, enjoying and “farmer gazing” at them – not just doing chores for them, is priceless. But for some reason I was thinking of my Mom, and her death in relation to intentional deaths with my animals. I was remembering when she died, and being there, and seeing a spirit leave a body. There is something SO humbling in remembering we will all pass in some way. Then I got home and opened my Rumi Book of Love, right to the chapter on “Die before you Die.” Some very intense thoughts, and some very intense realizations.

“There is a way of passing away from the personal, a dying that makes one plural.”

” I slide like an empty boat pulled over the water. In the slaughterhouse of love they kill only the best, none of the weak or deformed. Don’t run away from this dying. Whoever’s not killed for love is dead meat.”

On my farm, I always want death to be noble. For the creatures I raise and harvest, and for my self as well. Seeing my Mom lingering in a hospital, and us not being prepared for what was going to happen, was heart wrenching. She was a noble woman, and her death was noble, but I think it was not as respectful as it could have been, since we didn’t know how quickly it would happen. We weren’t informed until right before, what was actually happening to her. I wish the hospital would have been better equipped to help us know what to do and expect.

I have this feeling that I want to die without knowing when; I could see a gypsy crystal ball lady to find out the date. But I want to live fullest as possible, and then die when it is going to happen. Death is a part of living, no doubt about it.

Death and respect. What I heard about recently about conventional concentrated agriculture situations. In a typical egg factory, when the hens are done being productive with egg laying, after less than one year, they are all GASSED and ground up for fertilizer. This shows little respect for life, just a use of it, an abuse if I can say that. Today we harvested two of my one year old drake ducks who have spread their seed into new generations. They had a great life here, actually being ducks outdoors, mating and courting the girls. Now they live on as delicious meals, as their roles have been filled. For hatching out subsequent generations of Khaki Campbells, I need new blood to come into the flock.

Another shocking truth from conventional ag-  in a typical hog house, if the electricity goes out, the pigs are so compacted indoors that they have about one hour before they die from SUFFOCATION. This disgusts me to no end, but I am happy to be raising a coupe of very happy outdoors pigs for my customers. Dying from suffocation because they are SO CRAMMED in there??? How terrible, how wrong on all levels. I love my healthy, happy, lovely pigs so much.


Hope you have time today to ruminate on death, life and living. Do it to the max, cuz what other option do you have??

Comment ( 1 )

  1. Angelica

    You have a very beautiful soul, Khaiti.

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